and then we saw a rae of light

I’m doing whats right.

i’m growing up.

i wonder who will get left behind?

i wonder who will stay.

:)

And your noticing nothing again
Now I’m lying on the table
With everything you said
Keeping mind the way that it felt
When the most I could do was to just blame myself.

im annoyed with everyone around me.

when one is lost, they find themself in an area. By area all im meaning is the remainder of time; all space is, is merely time..right? So when we reach the point where we’re out of area, we’re out of time, out of space, out of words, out of life. Doctors will tell us there is nothing more they can do, but theres always the impossible that GOD shows us that is a possiblity.

i have my faith, and im holding close to it.

you just want someone to understand.

I was diggin through my most recent past works from english. I’m kind of blown away at the things i’ve forgotten. i feel like i’ve been blind for so long now.okay well here we go..

November 3, 2008

“Somedays i wake up and ask myself, what is this world? everyone against everyone, segergation, shootings, sin, faith? maybe all we need is for someone to show us that our struggles are identical to the person sitting quietly on the bus or to the person who handles a gun saying, “i want your money and not your life.” what is this world? maybe Don McClean is right, we’re a generation lost in space”

December 5, 2008

“I’m falling in a hole that i don’t want to be in and time is running to swiftly for me to grasp a hold of myself and give myself a good stare…i need to sit down with myself and have a serious conversation about the path im on and where it ends.”

 no date-

“your life is what you make of it in every senses. to live life it is 90 percent mental and 10 percent is made of walking from one point in your life to the next.”

4th- 6th weeks entry december

“the first semester of my senior year couldn’t have gone worse. I’ve been grounded from september untill mid october, pretty much draining the juice of my social life. after one thing lead to another i slowly stop showing up for certian classes, so i made up hours. after i took care of every hour i miss from school i find out that my subschool principal filed truencey on me. i’ve never gotten in so much trouble in a small amount of time, and now i have court in january. not to thrilled about that. I have to ace every exam in hopes of passing. and home lifes never been so stressful than ever. I have two little brothers (4&5), my sister moved back home (20), and my stepdads your typical angry-at-the-step-child-for-being-born type of guy.”

no date-

prompt, why do people turn to alchol and drugs?

“while your under the influence, reality is dulled, muted, paused, fuzzed. although the problems are all still there those couple of hours or however long the fix last they have escaped. its the most cowardly and weak alternative to cope with common woes. effortless. its effortless to distroy the ones around you while you escape. little do they know they’re distroying themselves aswell.”

10/7/08

“this weekend was my best friends 18th birthday. I boght her a lottery ticket, won nothing. but it was for the thrill. The day after was sunday, i met up with nemo. i felt sick the whole time because my nerves wouldn’t allow me to be otherwise. We went and saw eagle eye. let me explain nemo, his real name is annibal. im glad he goes by nemo, annibal is kinda..gay. of course i have to touch on some of the girly annoying details. He has a strong presence, one i could feel a mile away, his glace is sharp and kind, his intentions are invisible, and his voice is kind of like the feeling you get when you stay up a whole day and crash, leading to having the best sleep in your life. we came a cross eachother at a bonfire. he easily has become a close friend of mine. who knows what might happen, although i feel so inadequate. which is easily one of the worst feelings i’ve ever felt.”

random lyrics i made up in class, aside from the doodles.

“wanna feel you again, just to know what i had.”

“Believe, in me to know, what you mean.”

“i never let him have my whole joy, he never saw my best. perhaps i knew deep inside he wasn’t woth my best. thats exactly so.”

i wrote the word “unbeknowst” five times in one sentence just to see if i could. i did.

no date-

“i’ve got nothing left to create, i’ve got nothing left to say. i’ll never lose my hope, i’ll never give up my belief. just know i’ll always be trying, i’ll always be up to it”

I see where i was, i see where i am and all i can do is be glad i’ve learned to stand.

I can’t even explain to you how awesome it is to have the friends i have. no one knows me like Brooks does, its like no one sees me like she does.

although i may not always take your advice, Brooks, I love how you speak honestly from your heart.

“For someone to come sweep my best friend off her feet the RIGHT way. Oh and it’d be super freaking badASS if his name didn’t start with an “M” and end with an “iles”.”

haaha<333 i love you dude.